So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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