can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize