My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
