my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize