$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
