Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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