I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize