Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
