why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
