At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
