You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
