South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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