I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
