I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
