dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
