Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I supernannyed him into submission
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
