I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
