i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
