Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
