I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize