um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
