wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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