come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
