Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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