Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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