Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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