so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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