I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You pole danced in your parka.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
