i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
