hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
