I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
