he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
