i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
