If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
