in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
