a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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