Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
