I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
