I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
