im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is the high leading the old right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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