Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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