I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We need to rekindle our bromance
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
