K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
