there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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