i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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