Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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