What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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