She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize