my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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