4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
