Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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