I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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