my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
