forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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