Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
