Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
