I could have mohawked her pubes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
