her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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