Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
