You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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